Victim, Survivor or Resilient?
Many of my clients have had experiences that felt bad or detrimental to them. Some have had the words victim, survivor or resilient applied to them and others reluctantly use these words to describe their own experiences.
Victim
The word victim, for many of my clients, has the most negative connotation. It expresses a sense of passivity, powerlessness, lack of control and death. It reflects moments in which they had negative experiences, where something happened that was not aligned with their hopes or plans. Some people notice ways this word shifts focus to the experience and perpetrator. There is also a strong legal connotation to the word. Depending on how it is used, the word “victim” can be used as a tool to silence, dismiss or oppress (the phrase “playing the victim” comes to mind..).
Clients I’ve worked with may not have felt powerless, because they were active in trying to protect themselves or change a situation. They didn’t die and their life wasn’t threatened. They may not have had legal interactions or maybe their experiences weren’t criminal. Many people I work with do not like the word victim.
Survivor
Survivor has a more positive connotation, invoking a sense of empowerment, healing, peace, and hopefulness. It implies someone is taking or took steps to actively grow from an experience and has moved past a negative experience. Survivors are often celebrated and praised and attention shifts to what a person was able to accomplish.
However, many clients I’ve worked with have not feel celebrated, empowered and are not feeling hopeful about how they overcame challenging experience. Some clients felt they did not do anything to heal from an experience aside from letting time pass. They may not feel significantly empowered as a result. For some people I work with, the word survivor can be as problematic as victim.
Resilience
Resilience can be more multidimensional. It can reference a character trait, or aspects of a person’s personality that contribute to an their success. As a process, resiliency can describe a person's ability to adapt and bounce back from trauma. As an outcome, resilience is the end result of adjusting to life’s difficulties. Some clients I’ve worked with express, they were just trying to get through an experience and they do not feel like they have the luxury or privilege to adapt.
People may struggle to see their experiences reflected in these concepts, as there will never be one word that accurately reflects the complex experiences of all individuals. If you are not sure how a person views themselves, ask them. If you have experienced traumatic, bad or difficult experiences, use the word, or words, that feels like a more accurate expression of who you are and how you are presenting in this world.
What do these words mean to you and how are you using them when you talk to, or about, yourself and others?
